Life: The Bridge You Crossed
Posted in Life, Thoughts, Relationships, Family on August 6th, 2008
I’ve come to the understanding that everyone defines “success” and being “grown up” based upon what they have and what they don’t have. You can be rich and have all of the money in the world, but yet single and lonely—never experiencing the feeling of love. For each of us, we grow up and like any other human we make mistakes—only to make sure we don’t make them again. I’ve come to realize that the people you think may have it all together are quite off both mentally and emotionally. The fact that someone can’t come to you to talk about things that they may not understand, knocks his/her thinking they are “grown and sexy” to being immature and confused.
The truth still remains true today, that if you are not happy with yourself, or have a serious feeling of being “incomplete”, “unloved”, or “depressed”, to the point that you are sad, you don’t deserve anyone in your life outside of family. Then again, sometimes you can’t even deal with your family for various reasons. We all have someone who may be dysfunctional in our family, but like friendships—sometimes we have to cut them back. The same rule in life in regards to taking care of you first before taking care of anyone else holds true. You can’t worry and take care of everyone else, when you’re not able to take care of yourself.
Now, let’s take a look at being grown and perhaps even successful. Because it’s clear that everyone will have his/her own opinion. Because you are single, and you don’t have kids or any ex-husbands or anything like that does not automatically make you perfect. What we tend to forget that if you don’t have any of those attachments you have something else. Perhaps you are unstable emotionally, can’t keep a relationship or friendship, and maybe you can’t quite understand why you’re single and nobody wants you outside of the normal things in life (sex and entertainment).
Our lives in fact are all different, at the age of 21, going out to party and such was never my life then. I had a son I had to care for, and felt at that time figuring out where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be, and how I could prepare my life and future for all involved. Now, as my children are older do I feel it’s OK to go out every now and then and let my hair down. I felt at that time what was more important was defining my future, so when the time came to party, I was responsible—had a stable job and a place to call home. To me at that time, was establishing my career and moving out to support my son and myself. Even if I didn’t have my son, my focus still would be to move out and be on my own. Until you are living on your own, supporting yourself then you can’t quite classify yourself as “independent”. People that are in relationships are considered “independent” and “dependent”. They were able to move out together and make it work.
If you find that you’re unstable in your life or home life, and you’re not taking care of yourself, then you are no where near being a woman or man for that matter. It’s quite a rewarding feeling in life, when you can come home and call it your “home”. By the age of 23, I purchased my first house (still live there till this day). I moved out of my parent’s home when I was 21—on my own. The future is quite scary if you’re not thinking about it from another view. My parents always told me they wouldn’t be here for me everyday, and to always make sure I can take care of myself. I have sisters and brother’s that I could run to, but each of us really need to be out on our own trying to make it.
Being a “successful” and “grown-up” means you are responsible. It means you know how to communicate with people, express your feelings when you are concerned, and everything is done in a tactful manner. It means you understand the rules of karma, which anything you do to anyone else will come back in such a negative way. To hurt those that went out of their way to help you, without an ounce of resentment in your heart is far from being grown and sexy or mature. People in this world as we all know don’t have to reach out and help anyone. What we choose to do—we do it from our heart. In the end, we reap whatever rewards should come our way. Which brings me to another topic—heathen.
I think I totally am floored by some people who preach the gospel, and act as if they are following the God, also known to some as “Lord”, “Jah”, or “Jehovah”, when they act out totally against the beliefs that are written in the bibles or handbooks. If you’re going to walk the path to be righteous, well please do what you can to live your life according to the book, and not take out what you wish to follow and what you don’t want to follow. Don’t tell me on Sunday not to use profanity because it’s the “day of the lord”, but it’s OK to cuss any other day. Last I checked, the day of the lord was everyday—not just on Sunday’s. Please don’t attempt to quote anything from the bible, knowing you just did something that was totally Un-Christian like. If you’re offended by now, because I have written this—it’s because it applies to you.
Part of being successful and grown is admitting when you are wrong or have done something that was uncalled for. I have a wonderful example that I’ve been meaning to share with you, just never found the time to write it. I’ve been presented personally with employment offers from people I’ve met and such, and I always follow-up and give whatever is needed. So I have two examples—one positive and one negative.
I had a position that was open, and wanted a friend of mine to apply. It was a job she would have easily had. She would have gone from making $30K-$52K. All she had to do was sit down with me, so we can prepare for the interview. She said she really wanted the position, and that she would totally make all of the changes in her life to make this job successful. Like any other human in this world, I placed her up there with the “change is possible” category. The interview was scheduled for Thursday morning at 8:30; she was going to ride into work with me. I get home that night only for her to walk out of the house—on her way to the club. Yeah, did you just stop there and ask the same question I did? Who is given a lifetime chances of advancing their career, and goes out to the club the night before?! So what happens? We never prepared for the interview, I never went over the questions, and guess what—she didn’t come back on time. So now I have to call my manager to move this meeting (knowing her reason for being late was so unprofessional). Of course, she never prepared for the interview at all. I refused to sit in on the interview. Needless to say the interview didn’t go well at all, and she was never hired. At this point, I could never refer her to any other position.
Now, here is the real issue, and I’m sure you’re asking yourself the same question. Did she apologize for her behavior, lack of commitment, and showing up late? Did she apologize to me, for putting my name on the line, to try to get her a job? Did she feel bad? Well, that’s a good question, because she said nothing to me. I didn’t get an apology, I didn’t get anything. Like another female friend who claims they want a job, they lack the process on success.
On another note, I met this guy one night at IHOP, told him what I did, and gave him my contact information. I told him if he wanted a job, and could do it I would get him an interview. He contacted me the next day, asked the right questions, and had the interview. I’m proud to tell you he still works with me. I didn’t help him get the job, I paved the way. People complain so much about being unhappy, and when they are presented with an opportunity to make it work they are far from serious.
So if you think you are grown-up and doing everything right—think again. Mistakes are to be made without a doubt, however making the same mistakes over and over again is not going to get you closer to being who you feel you already are. My son asked me one day why did a certain person have so many men coming and going. You know why he would ask this question, and why it was strange? Unlike our parents generation growing up, where every “new man” or “sexual partner” was an “uncle”, but I don’t bring every man around my children. If I didn’t have any kids, I still wouldn’t. I’ve never had to ever beg for a man, nor have I ever wanted a man who didn’t want me or was with someone else. I don’t get pleasure out of having sex with another man who has a girlfriend. Karma honey is just as real as the yellow sun outside.
You want to get a man or woman to respect you and love you—then respect yourself and love yourself. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. A true man or woman who is “successful”, “sexy”, and “mature” will never be attracted to anyone whose standards are so below their own, or people who are not career driven to be successful. Always remember, you can build a bridge in your life and walk over it…but never ever burn that bridge after you cross.
So I ask…what are you doing to better your life?
…One Love…
accomplished
complacent
rejuvenated
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